Wal-Street

There has been an email flying around about how BIG Wal-mart really is, and at the end, it suggests that Wal-Mart should bail out Wall Street. Well, that got me to thinking, from a particular point of view, here’s what would really happen if Wal-Mart bailed out Wall Street

You will no loner need that stock broker. Forget about commissions, maintenance costs, and brokerage fees, if you wanted to buy stock it would cost you a flat fee of $1.88 ($1.70 if you want to open a Wal-Mart credit card account).

You could pick up your stocks when you pick up dinner. Grab a pizza, a bottle of coke, and 10 shares of General Electric and still check out in the express lane.

If the day traders plan to stay in business, they better have some capital. There would be no more trading on margin (or temporary credit). They don’t offer Lay-away in stores, don’t expect them to do it on stocks.

Selling short and selling long would be a thing of the past – the price is posted, take it or leave it.

There would be no pre-opening or after hours trading, they are open 24 hours a day, you can buy and sell 24 hours a day.

There would be no more Mortgage Backed securities, if you wanted a mortgage, here is how it would work. They would sell you a mortgage, at 1% interest (fixed) for ONE house per family.

They would loan you the mortgage based on THEIR estimate of the houses value (not some crazy California tree hugging hippie’s three million dollar double wide trailer value).

If you wanted more than 1 mortgage (say for a rental property) then you would have to get a business membership and get your mortgages in bulk from Sam’s Club.

If you defaulted on your mortgage, they would re-posses your house. I’m not talking about kicking you out, they would physically come and remove all traces of your house and take it with them. They can set up an entire store … in a tent … in a day … after a hurricane … without any electricity around … you think they can’t find a way to come get your house?

The SEC would be replaced by their Emergency Operations Team. They had trucks of supplies and equipment outside New Orleans within 24 hours of Katrina – it took the government 6 weeks – need I say more?

And finally – they would set the price of oil to OPEC, not the other way around. They would tell them how much they were going to buy and how much they were going to pay. If OPEC failed to meet their price, they would buy GM, Ford, and Chrysler, make a car that runs on recycled card-board, and put one in every home for a few hundred bucks.

But, being Wal-Mart, the cars would only move when every seat was filled with a passenger.

Day 224 ... "In the trenches"

So, this is my first blog ... at request of the wife, and probably anyone else that knows how serious I am when it comes to life in general.

I guess I need to start by explaining the title. Well, as of today, my wife has been pregnant for 224 days. And of those 224 days we've had approximately 14.5 minutes of problem free time to just enjoy ourselves. Of course my wife will probably disagree and ask me to retract this, but she can feel free to start her own little blog to counter my claims. Here is a brief summary of our (OK her) pregnancy:
Bow Chicka Bow Bow
Puke
Eat - Puke
Don't Eat - Puke
14.5 Minutes
High Blood Pressure
Really High Blood Pressure
Acid Reflux
Really Bad Acid Reflux
More High Blood Pressure
Headaches (brought on by high blood pressure I'm sure)
Back and Body Aches

We're gleefully looking forward to the swelling of the extremities and the inability to stand back up!

It's the Holidays, so I guess I'm expected to say something cute and festive. Well, we were visited by Christmas EVE and SAMMY Paws. Isn't that swell, if you didn't get that, you either don't know me, or your not quite bright enough to get it anyway.

Since Festivus has recently passed us by, I thought it would be a good time to print the airing of the grievances. Here is how some of you have disappointed me this year:
OK, so I can't really go there - but it was a nice thought.

Remember, there is only 2 more days for you to make a tax deductible donation to your favorite charity. If any of you would like to send a CASH donation, I will happily mail you back a hand written receipt from "The Human Fund".

I'll do my best to update this regularly with that kind disposition that you all have come to love from me. In the mean time, I should wish all of you the BEST 2009 to come, but in reality, as long as the economy tanks - my work bonus soars, so here's wishing you less disposable income that forces you to shop at my place. Now I have to go push in the buggies.

.... Can I take you out in the middle of nowhere, leave you for dead?