The fam recently took a road trip. Although I was considered a navigod when I was younger, I’ve found it convenient over the last several years to use the GPS that I bought my wife. I am now convinced that this tool of convenience has made me a blubbering idiot. OK, granted I was probably already a blubbering idiot a long time before I bought it, but I used to be able to scan a map quickly and go pretty much anywhere I wanted in a strange city, now I can barely find my garage after I pull into my driveway.
I know I need to “update the maps” on my GPS because it often tells me I’m driving through the forest of impending doom. But that’s how they get you. I mean, right out of the box it seems like my neighborhood isn’t even on the map and I need to “Update my maps”. Boy I sound like my Grandpa now don’t I.
But anyway, the wife was playing with the settings and discovered that you can change the languages. They have all sorts of different ones, German, French, Spanish, but what was cool was they have different ENGLISH languages. They have American English, United Kingdom English, and she even came across REDNECK! Wow, this we had to try. The wife hit “Redneck” and the GPS immediately fell off the windshield and told us to “pick it up and use some Duct Tape this time to make sher it steecks to tha winder.”
It was 9:00 AM in the morning and although our destination was only about an hour away, our arrival time on the GPS read “Bout Noon”. Instead of taking us directly to the city we intended to go, the GPS (now referring to itself as “Jim Bob”) took us on a navigational route past 3 bars. Upon arrival at each bar it would state “Nope, that’n’s closed too. Ya’ll sure up early on a Sa-urdee Mornin’. Go on up a couple miles and hang a layuft.” It finally settled for a quick run through the Bass Pro Shop parking lot before taking us to our destination city.
Now that we were safely in the city, we decided to get something to eat. The wife hit the restaurant button (now labeled “Eatin” on the screen). The selections that came up were Shoes and No Shoes. With a shrug, she selected shoes. It gave her a selection of 3 Bar-B-Q restaurants and a Buffet. Under “No Shoes” she got a waffle house and the same Buffet. We opted for a small Italian restaurant we saw by the side of the road. As soon as we pulled in Jim Bob said “Whutchalldoinhere?”
After lunch we had a few hours to kill, so the wife pulled up the “local attractions”. It gave us directions to the State Fair and Hooters Restaurant. We opted out. We decided instead to do some shopping, but as soon as H selected “shopping” Jim Bob yelled “I Aready took ya to th’ Bass Pro!”
We finally gave up and decided just to get to the airport and wait for our guests to arrive. H selected “transportation” and Jim Bob said, “Aright, ya’ll head down th’ road a mile er two and hang a raight at the quickie mart.” Of course as soon as we passed the Quickie Mart Jim Bob said “Ain’t ya’ll thirsty?”
For the next fifteen minutes it was, “Turn on the Radio”, “D’jall see that Jeep?”, “Ain’t no cops around, whay don’chu speed up?”, “Ya’ll aint got no Cuntry Stayshuns round here?”
The battery was running low, so the wife pulled out the cord to plug it in and Jim Bob said, “Just gimme some beef jerky.”
As we pulled into the parking lot as instructed by Jim Bob we finally realized that instead of taking us to the airport, he took us to a Monster Truck Rally.
The wife threw him out the window.
I know I need to “update the maps” on my GPS because it often tells me I’m driving through the forest of impending doom. But that’s how they get you. I mean, right out of the box it seems like my neighborhood isn’t even on the map and I need to “Update my maps”. Boy I sound like my Grandpa now don’t I.
But anyway, the wife was playing with the settings and discovered that you can change the languages. They have all sorts of different ones, German, French, Spanish, but what was cool was they have different ENGLISH languages. They have American English, United Kingdom English, and she even came across REDNECK! Wow, this we had to try. The wife hit “Redneck” and the GPS immediately fell off the windshield and told us to “pick it up and use some Duct Tape this time to make sher it steecks to tha winder.”
It was 9:00 AM in the morning and although our destination was only about an hour away, our arrival time on the GPS read “Bout Noon”. Instead of taking us directly to the city we intended to go, the GPS (now referring to itself as “Jim Bob”) took us on a navigational route past 3 bars. Upon arrival at each bar it would state “Nope, that’n’s closed too. Ya’ll sure up early on a Sa-urdee Mornin’. Go on up a couple miles and hang a layuft.” It finally settled for a quick run through the Bass Pro Shop parking lot before taking us to our destination city.
Now that we were safely in the city, we decided to get something to eat. The wife hit the restaurant button (now labeled “Eatin” on the screen). The selections that came up were Shoes and No Shoes. With a shrug, she selected shoes. It gave her a selection of 3 Bar-B-Q restaurants and a Buffet. Under “No Shoes” she got a waffle house and the same Buffet. We opted for a small Italian restaurant we saw by the side of the road. As soon as we pulled in Jim Bob said “Whutchalldoinhere?”
After lunch we had a few hours to kill, so the wife pulled up the “local attractions”. It gave us directions to the State Fair and Hooters Restaurant. We opted out. We decided instead to do some shopping, but as soon as H selected “shopping” Jim Bob yelled “I Aready took ya to th’ Bass Pro!”
We finally gave up and decided just to get to the airport and wait for our guests to arrive. H selected “transportation” and Jim Bob said, “Aright, ya’ll head down th’ road a mile er two and hang a raight at the quickie mart.” Of course as soon as we passed the Quickie Mart Jim Bob said “Ain’t ya’ll thirsty?”
For the next fifteen minutes it was, “Turn on the Radio”, “D’jall see that Jeep?”, “Ain’t no cops around, whay don’chu speed up?”, “Ya’ll aint got no Cuntry Stayshuns round here?”
The battery was running low, so the wife pulled out the cord to plug it in and Jim Bob said, “Just gimme some beef jerky.”
As we pulled into the parking lot as instructed by Jim Bob we finally realized that instead of taking us to the airport, he took us to a Monster Truck Rally.
The wife threw him out the window.
No comments:
Post a Comment