I Probably Deserved It

I haven’t updated the blog for a while for several reasons. First among them is that the wee man caught Pneumonia and we’ve been dealing with getting him better while not sleeping through any of it.

This is the topic that my story for today centers around.

Like I said, the wee man has been pretty sick and not sleeping any at night. Because of this, the wife hasn’t been sleeping any at night either. She’s pretty much been up around the clock trying to pacify him at night, while trying to get things accomplished around the house during the day. To say the least, I would be a Zombie if I were her.

I had to get out at lunch the other day and pick something up, so I thought the least I could do was bring home lunch for everyone and try to watch the kid for a few minutes while she sat in peace to eat it.

I picked up what I needed, grabbed a few burgers for the wife and me and headed home.

For those of you who don’t know her, H can not stand condiments. They make her nauseated to be around them. I have adjusted and typically order all of our sandwiches plain, just to make sure there isn’t a problem. On this day, however, Sonic had a super duper nasty burger with everything but the kitchen sink on it … well, if you know me, you know I just HAD to try it.

I got home and unloaded the car, and in the process, got a little dirty. I ran in the house, put the food down, put the kid in the high chair and started divvying up the food so that H didn’t get the wrong sandwich.

The wee man was still in his feel bad mood, so he was very winey. He wouldn’t hold his bottle, he wanted some food, just generally in a bad place. I was determined to make H sit down and eat and I would take care of the kid and myself. I ran around the kitchen, grabbed my burger and something for him, washed my hands really quick from the nastiness that I had gotten into, and ran back to the high chair to try and placate the weeman.

H was sitting next to the high chair at the table trying to stay awake while she ate her sandwich. I was holding a bottle up for the kid in one hand while I was munching away at my burger in the other. To say I was determined to make this work just doesn’t describe it. You know when you get in those go go go moods and just want to take care of the dozen things that keep popping up which are obstacles to your goal, well that’s where I was.

Kid screaming – no sit down honey, I got it – grab the bottle – tear off some burger for him – take a bite – wipe off the kids mouth – remove the bottle – pick up this – what time is it – got 5 more minutes – tear off more burger – grab the bottle …. You get the picture.

A few minutes into this fast paced routine, I noticed a glob of mayonnaise that must have gotten on my palm between the hustle and bustle, and the last thing I needed was my poor wife getting sick because I had mayonnaise rub off on her or something. I did what any guy would do in that situation, just licked it off as fast as I can and kept on going.

Well … it wasn’t mayonnaise. Yes, in my haste, I just lapped up a HUGE ol’ glob of … handsoap.

I know the tales of little kids having their mouth washed out with a bar of soap, and I can assure you that in this day and age, liquid handsoap is a MUCH more efficient method of getting the entire mouth coated extremely quickly and efficiently. No longer do you need to stick the bar of soap into a foul mouthed kids pie hole and have them rake it off their tongue, the liquid variety immediately melds with your bodies own natural saliva and finds its way instantly to every nook and cranny of your mouth. And if you get the moisturizing kind that my wife likes to buy me, not only are you clean on the inside, there’s a velvety smooth layer of goodness that lasts and lasts.

Yes, I am sure that for something or other, I deserved to have my mouth washed out with soap. I just hope that I remember what it is so that I can learn my lesson.