Si Hablo Espanol

It occurred to me the other day that it’s interesting how, as we go through life, we pick up a few tidbits of foreign language and incorporate them into our vocabulary like it’s no big deal. Of course, some of this is forced on us by society as foreign sayings become part of the vernacular. Such terms and phrases as “Faux Pas” and “C’est La Vie” have been entrenched in our culture and are in essence unavoidable for normal conversational habits. Other sayings however, are purely used on a voluntary basis as we pick them up and at times, what seems completely benign to us, can actually cause more of a problem to our communication than is truly worth the effort.

This situation presented itself rather clearly the other day. I’m not sure if you know this, but some of you have picked up on the fact that I have a child in the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit. Those of you that haven’t picked up on that little tidbit also just happen to be late on your monthly fee for the subscription to this blog – please send me $20 now.

One of the requirements of taking a child home from the NICU is that the Mother and Father must take (and presumably pass) an infant CPR class given by the hospital. Fortunately for my benefit, I have a life coach that pretty much puts the fear of God in me should I fail to recall the basic steps for performing CPR. It was in this class that we truly learned the pitfalls of only knowing enough of a language to get you in trouble.

As we were seated, preparing to begin the class with 3 other couples, in walks a Hispanic Father and Mother. The first question that the instructor asked them was, “Do You Speak English?” Their reply was a somewhat muddled, “Yes, I speak English.” Looking back, this seemed an appropriate question and a reasonable response, but in reality, perhaps the question should have been, “Do you speak English well enough to communicate and to take instructions effectively?” It seems that although they had sailed through the strenuous preliminary requirements of, “Do You Speak ENGLISH?” that their vocabulary was limited to, “Yes, I speak English” and “One, Two, Three” accompanied by the occasional smile that suggests, “I have no idea what you are saying to me, so I’ll just smile and nod and hope that you start talking to someone else.”

We start the class and blaze through the material that includes verbal instructions, written instructions, previously recorded demonstrations, and live demonstrations, redundant to say the least, but considering your typical audience of rural American highly educated poultry attendants, it’s probably a good thing. We get to the “testing” portion of the class and H and I breeze through it in less time than it would take to open a can of soda. The next couple gets the same questions, and probably listened intently to our answers because they were going to get the same questions. Next came the Hispanic couple. Now if they could have just repeated exactly what they heard twice, 30 seconds earlier, they would have slid through without any difficulties, but as it stood, this is the sort of conversation that ensued.

Instructor, “Now after you call for help, what do you do?”
Couple, “Yes” and starts to give mouth to mouth to the plastic kid in front of them.
Instructor, “No, You call for help and then ???”
Couple, “Yes” and starts to give mouth to mouth.
Instructor (Getting somewhat concerned) “No, No, We have to check for breathing for 5-10 seconds.”
Couple, “Yes” and starts to give mouth to mouth.
Instructor, “No, Wait, Wait, Look, Count, One ..”
Couple, (Smiling and Nodding)“One” and starts to give mouth to mouth.
Instructor, (Extremely concerned at this point)“No, No, Wait, Stop, Look, One ..”
Couple, (Smiling and Nodding)“One” and starts to give mouth to mouth.
Instructor (trying desperately not to reach over and smack someone) “Wait, 5-10 Seconds, One, Two …”
Couple, (Now with raised eyebrows signaling deep understanding)“One, Two” and starts to give mouth to mouth.

This conversation went on for about half an hour. I think the instructor finally handed them her cell phone, taught them how to dial 911 and yell, “Does Somebody Know See Pee Are?!!” I think I’m going to call them and ask if they will baby sit for us later on.

So … an update, I know, I know. Samuel is great, eating more by mouth now than by NG tube. He has been taken to room air temperature and is keeping his heat up very well.

I get to sleep about 3-4 hours a night, and Heidi gets at least 15 minutes of rest a day – so she’s probably holding up the best out of all of us. She’s eating well, Mountain Dew and Doritos, so at least we know those valuable nutrients are being passed along to the little one.

I was going to take another picture, but for the life of me, I can’t quite remember how to use the camera anymore … or the toilet. Oh well, I’m sure it will come back to me sooner or later.

Thanks for your prayers.