Well it’s that time of year again. No, not bath time for me, but rather the holiday season. It’s the season where women everywhere exchange thoughtful beautifully wrapped gifts and where men either give those women something truly horrific, or if they’ve got some cash, the cheapest piece of jewelry that they can afford in order to get out of the store with the least possible effort.
My wife is a saint. She spends the entire year scouting stores, looking for Christmas presents that she thinks might fit someone perfectly. While I’m foolishly scrounging around on the department store floor looking for the latest publication from Mad Magazine in April, she’s picking up a cookbook for a dinner recipe, changing the kid, and finding the precious plate holder that Aunt Martha has been wanting for 2 years.
I have quite a bit of difficulty remembering what I ate for breakfast (Cheerios thank you, no that was yesterday, wait …) the Wife can remember that her mother-in-law mentioned she wanted a red scarf last February on a commercial break during America’s Funniest Home Video’s. So far she has bought gifts for her family, gifts for my family, gifts for her co-workers and my co-workers (half of which she’s never met), gifts for the neighbors, gifts for friends, and at least 4 gifts for people we don’t know yet.
I have one gift to buy, hers. And you know what, if it was up to me, I would probably be trying to talk her into a riding lawn mower. “Aww, Cm’on Baby, you know how you always said you would LOVE to cut the grass if you had a riding lawn mower? This’ll be FUN!” I mean, I would probably pour it on thick, “And LOOK, it’s on SALE!” Thankfully I have the perfect wife who not only buys for every living being on the planet, but also drops hints to me as well. And by “hint” I mean this is how the conversation would go.
“Hey Darling Husband” shut up, she does SO call me that, “I want a cow bell for Christmas”
AND before you say I’m ridiculous, yes, this is a request. Go look at Pottery Barn, they’ve got ‘em … so SHUT UP. But let me continue.
“ I want a cow bell for Christmas.”
Showing me a catalog “Here’s a picture of the cow bell I want”
Handing me a piece of paper “Here’s a coupon for 25% off all cow bell’s”
Pointing across the parking lot “There’s where they sell the cow bell, they have 4 in stock, go ahead and buy it and I’ll wait here until you get back.”
That’s how I get hints for Christmas presents. Isn’t that the BEST hint EVER?!
And if you ladies say, “But she doesn’t get any surprises!” I say:
1. She doesn’t like surprises, I dare say she HATES them.
2. Is it really a good idea for you ladies to be “surprised” with a riding lawn mower under the Christmas tree?
My wife is a saint. She spends the entire year scouting stores, looking for Christmas presents that she thinks might fit someone perfectly. While I’m foolishly scrounging around on the department store floor looking for the latest publication from Mad Magazine in April, she’s picking up a cookbook for a dinner recipe, changing the kid, and finding the precious plate holder that Aunt Martha has been wanting for 2 years.
I have quite a bit of difficulty remembering what I ate for breakfast (Cheerios thank you, no that was yesterday, wait …) the Wife can remember that her mother-in-law mentioned she wanted a red scarf last February on a commercial break during America’s Funniest Home Video’s. So far she has bought gifts for her family, gifts for my family, gifts for her co-workers and my co-workers (half of which she’s never met), gifts for the neighbors, gifts for friends, and at least 4 gifts for people we don’t know yet.
I have one gift to buy, hers. And you know what, if it was up to me, I would probably be trying to talk her into a riding lawn mower. “Aww, Cm’on Baby, you know how you always said you would LOVE to cut the grass if you had a riding lawn mower? This’ll be FUN!” I mean, I would probably pour it on thick, “And LOOK, it’s on SALE!” Thankfully I have the perfect wife who not only buys for every living being on the planet, but also drops hints to me as well. And by “hint” I mean this is how the conversation would go.
“Hey Darling Husband” shut up, she does SO call me that, “I want a cow bell for Christmas”
AND before you say I’m ridiculous, yes, this is a request. Go look at Pottery Barn, they’ve got ‘em … so SHUT UP. But let me continue.
“ I want a cow bell for Christmas.”
Showing me a catalog “Here’s a picture of the cow bell I want”
Handing me a piece of paper “Here’s a coupon for 25% off all cow bell’s”
Pointing across the parking lot “There’s where they sell the cow bell, they have 4 in stock, go ahead and buy it and I’ll wait here until you get back.”
That’s how I get hints for Christmas presents. Isn’t that the BEST hint EVER?!
And if you ladies say, “But she doesn’t get any surprises!” I say:
1. She doesn’t like surprises, I dare say she HATES them.
2. Is it really a good idea for you ladies to be “surprised” with a riding lawn mower under the Christmas tree?
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